How to Make, Cancel, and Change Restaurant Reservations Without Being Rude

Can I send a dish back just because I didn’t like it? How do we split the check without causing a fight in the group chat? In Code of Conduct, our restaurant etiquette column, we explore the do’s and don’ts and IDKs of being a good diner.

When Trevor Chauvin-DeCaro started to feel sick ahead of a trip to Boston in early January, he canceled his dinner reservation at Table, a communal dining experience in the city’s North End. According to Chauvin-DeCaro, when he was unable to get the fee waived by the restaurant, he had the $250 reimbursed through his card’s travel insurance and moved on. Nearly two months later, he opened his Instagram DMs to find the restaurant’s owner accusing him of “screwing over my restaurant and my staff,” according to his recounting on the platform X, formerly known as Twitter. The post, which has been viewed over 24 million times and accrued more than 13,000 retweets, sparked a firestorm of discourse about a reservation culture that is arguably the most charged and competitive it’s ever been.

Most cancellation fees won’t set you back hundreds of dollars, and most owners won’t track down your Instagram account to shame you. But the explosive reaction to Chauvin-DeCaro’s post points to the very real importance of butts in seats for restaurant owners, and the questions diners have about how to make—and cancel—reservations without hurting small businesses or angering the host at a favorite neighborhood spot. The etiquette of making a reservation is as murky as it’s ever been, but some things are certain: The choices we make around reservations can introduce a ripple effect of headaches, frenzied adjustments, and frustration for a restaurant—and for other diners hoping to score their own reservation.

At Libertine, a buzzy new bistro in New York’s West Village, tight quarters and sky-high demand mean that a prime-time reservation is a scarce commodity, and eager diners are willing to do just about anything to snag one. According to owner Cody Pruitt, most of the reservations, which drop a month in advance, get booked within hours of their release. Isabella Pisacane, a partner at the restaurant, and Libertine's Director of Hospitality manages reservations and has seen every play in the book, from services reselling reservations to a user booking a rare table for six people—then showing up as a party of two. She witnesses diners falsely representing their party size to snag a spot “every night—multiple times a night,” she says, making it even more challenging to smoothly run the roaring dining room.

These sorts of reservation debacles aren’t just bad for restaurants. When a diner cancels at the last minute or an overexcited party of two books the only table for four, it makes it that much more challenging for would-be customers to get their own spot—particularly at the sorts of buzzy restaurants where getting a seat is already something of a contact sport. Of course, sometimes you just can’t make that dinner date and need to cancel last minute or realize you need to add a friend from out of town to your brunch plans. It happens, and there are ways to shift gears without creating major issues for restaurants or your fellow diners.

To settle the do’s and don’ts of making, changing, and canceling reservations, we talked to a maître d’, two restaurant owners, and the CEO of Resy. Here’s their advice for navigating the rocky reservation landscape.

How late is too late to cancel a reservation?

As soon as you realize you can’t make your reservation, give the restaurant a heads-up. Ideally, if circumstances allow, it’s best practice to cancel no later than 24 hours in advance, says Philadelphia restaurateur Ellen Yin, who owns acclaimed restaurants like Fork and High Street. The more notice you give, the more time a restaurant has to recalibrate—whether by tossing that reservation slot back into the ring or reassigning tables before service.

One last-minute cancellation can throw off a restaurant experience, both for staff and would-be diners. If another party is set to come in at 8:30 p.m., and you cancel at the last minute, the restaurant may have to leave your table empty until the next reservation. That makes it harder for other diners who might be eagerly waiting for a notification or a phone call that space has opened up.

“It's like playing Tetris,” Yin says. A restaurant, ultimately, is “trying to maximize your seating without having large gaps. And when somebody changes, a block falls on top of it.” And if you cancel outside of the restaurant’s stated window for doing so, don’t be surprised if you’re charged a small fee—these fees should have been noted when you made your reservation.

Can I fight the cancellation fee? And what’s the deal with that fee anyway?

Cancellation fees have become a hot-button issue—spurring everything from that unfortunate viral interaction in Boston to a steady stream of TikToks explaining, complaining about, and defending the fees. Tim Lacey, owner of Chicago’s Atelier—which charges a full prepaid reservation deposit of $165 per person—says that a fee is a preventative measure against cancellations and no-shows. “We’re tiny, we only have 22 seats,” Lacey says. “So last-minute cancellations affect us pretty significantly.” Because every seating at Atelier is a prepaid reservation, it’s markedly more difficult to fill a no-show table at the last minute than at a walk-in friendly or otherwise larger establishment.

Despite its cutthroat reservation queue, Libertine also doesn’t see a ton of people trying to walk in for a meal because its location doesn’t see much foot traffic. That means that if someone cancels their reservation and there isn’t time for another to grab the same time slot, there’s a chance the restaurant will be forced to leave a table vacant. “When people don't show up, or cancel very last minute…it definitely impacts our business negatively,” Pisacane says.

That said, while you shouldn’t contest a cancellation fee just because you don’t want to pay it, many restaurants are amenable to refunding in emergencies, according to Lacey. “From illness to ‘Oh, my God, my babysitter canceled,’ we can be pretty flexible,” he says. Pisacane agrees that extenuating circumstances justify a refund. But she adds that fees are made clear upon booking for a reason, and the diner is responsible for that commitment. It’s like a concert ticket, she says: “You bought the ticket and you knew the terms going into it, so you not showing up means that we lose business.”

So before you chew out your busy host for enforcing a $20 cancellation fee, remember that “it’s not a machine that you’re buying dinner from,” says Pablo Rivero, CEO of Resy. “It’s people, and they’re trying to run a business.”

If I know I’m going to be late for my reservation, at what point should I call to let the restaurant know?

You only live 10 minutes from the restaurant, but somehow got caught up in a solid half hour of traffic. As soon as you know you’re going to be late, give the host a heads-up by calling or shooting them a message through the reservation platform—or, in Resy’s case, even through the text confirmation thread. This allows them to seat a walk-in party or move tables around as needed. “It’s a way for restaurants to control the flow of tickets into the kitchen,” Yin says.

“Understand that if you’re 30 minutes late for your reservation, there may be a chance that the table won’t be available right away,” says Pisacane. In some cases, if you’re more than 15 or 20 minutes late, a restaurant may cancel your reservation to make room for other diners.

Can I show up with a larger party than I made the reservation for?

I made a reservation for four people, but I forgot my old college roommate is visiting. What’s a fifth seat added to a table for four, right? That’s what corners are for! Not exactly. “You’re cramming five people at a table that, at most, comfortably seats four,” says Lacey. “It’s not the best experience for the guest, as well as just kind of throwing things off in the dining room.”

It’s in everyone’s interest for you to call ahead to see whether a larger table can be arranged rather than crossing your fingers and hoping for the best when you get there. “Our job in service is to try to make our guests as comfortable as possible…. So, if you’re increasing from six to eight, we at least want to make sure we have enough chairs,” Yin adds.

Granted, as some restaurants do away with phone lines, getting in touch at the last minute can be tricky. If you can’t get in touch through the reservation platform, try to show up earlier than planned to give the restaurant a heads-up. With enough notice, the team can try their best to reassign your party to a larger table rather than squeezing a too-big group into a too-small table.

Do I need to let the restaurant know if my party size shrinks?

While the impact of a smaller-than-expected group might seem less impactful than the opposite scenario, it’s still going to affect how the restaurant arranges tables for the night. If your party size drops from three to two, a restaurant may open up that four-person table they were planning to seat you at for another party and move you to a smaller two-top. That seemingly small shift could free up a lot of space in the dining room—and allow more diners to score hard-to-get tables.

All that is to say, it doesn’t hurt to call ahead and let a restaurant know that you’ll be one less, no matter how many people were in your original party—and, in fact, you should. “That would be the courteous thing to do,” says Pisacane, “so that we can potentially fill that seat with someone who would like to dine with us and has been wanting to dine with us.” The restaurant, and that lucky diner, will thank you.

Can I ask to move my outdoor reservation inside?

The weather forecast for that Sunday reservation was looking balmy and cloudless when you booked an outdoor table, but the weather app is suddenly showing a 20% chance of drizzle. There’s no reason you can’t politely ask to be moved inside, but don’t take for granted that a restaurant will be able to immediately accommodate the request. “If it works, it works,” Pisacane says. “But the main thing that is always troubling is when someone assumes that it can be moved.”

Of course, a restaurant wants to fulfill that request as best they can, Yin adds. But “it’s not a guarantee or an entitlement.” If it is indeed dumping rain the day of your reservation, and the outdoor seating is uncovered, you have a fair case for just canceling—the restaurant should understand, and may even offer the option.

Is it bad to make a second-choice reservation I might cancel later if my first-choice dinner option becomes available?

You’re feeling confident a Resy alert will pop up for the restaurant you’ve been waiting to try, but you’re certain you can get a table at the pasta spot around the corner. So you make a reservation for dinner at the sure bet restaurant and wait to see if your top choice will open up. It’s not great to treat restaurants as chips in your reservation game, but if you happen to find yourself in this situation, make sure to cancel the first reservation with as much notice as possible. Of course, that’s nearly impossible when talking about a same-night dinner. In general, don’t make two reservations for the same night just to maximize your options. “They're both prepping for you to come,” Rivero says.

If your dream reservation opens up 10 minutes—or even an hour or two—before your backup reservation, the right thing to do is honor your existing reservation, unless you can get in touch with the restaurant and they have no issue with the cancellation. If a spot opened up once, it’ll happen again.

If I don't see a reservation available on an app like Resy or OpenTable, can I call or email the restaurant?

If the restaurant has a phone line—Libertine, for one, does not—you can call it. As with any reservation request, there’s no harm in trying. That Hail Mary phone call could pay off. “Somebody who’s looking at the reservation book might see a way to make it happen for you, especially if it’s a special occasion,” Yin says. “We want to take care of people and make their experience exciting and the best that it can be.”

What if I don’t cancel the reservation but don’t show up? Will a restaurant put me on a no-dine list?

Ghosting is rude—which means ghosting a restaurant is also rude. Don’t do it! Most reservation systems will automatically flag a no-show on a customer’s profile, Yin says. Whether or not that restaurant chooses to curate a no-fly list of sorts with that information is at their discretion (Yin’s restaurants don’t), but the flag doesn’t go unnoticed, particularly for repeat offenders. “If you have multiple no-shows, and a restaurant sees that in your record, they might just think that you’re not coming,” she adds. Take it this way: “If you cancel on your friend for dinner multiple times,” Rivero says, “there will come a point where they won’t invite you back.”